城市规划布局是雅思常考话题。商业、学校、办公、居住，各个功能区泾渭分明，这种做法优势大于劣势吗？
In many cities, planners tend to arrange shops, schools, offices and homes in specific areas and separate them from each other. Do you think the advantages of this policy outweigh the disadvantages?
雅思大作文批改范例 6.5分
首段：改写题目，引入话题
Nowadays, urban planning in many cities is（注意主谓一致，主语是urban planning，是单数名词） gradually changing. Cities are divided into specific areas to serve different functions, like education, business and management, etc. This trend results in（result做动词的时候是不及物动词，后面要加介词in） many benefits although it also poses some negative influences on society.
主体段一
One of the benefits is that working efficiency would increase, because different companies, startups in particular, could work closely as a team to tackle problems together. For instance, companies aimed at transportation could deliver commodities for e-commerce firms.
Furthermore, some chemical factories could cooperate with each other in order to not only improve productive efficiency but also reduce chemical pollutions, which alleviates the threat on environment and human health.
Besides that, concentration on resources in specific areas means（主谓一致，主语主体是concentration，是单数形式） that people would have better experience in related areas.
Cities where schools are arranged in a specific（单词重复使用，可以换成certain） area could gather educational resources, so that students could compare different schools easily and have relatively equal access to education without discrimination caused by areas.
主体段二
However, corporations which run the same business possibly face vice competitions, which usually results in（这里的which引导一个非限制性定语从句，是对上一句的补充说明，注意主谓一致；还有result in上文使用过了，这里可以换位lead to或者contribute to等）a decrease of profits related to price fight. Moreover, the change of urban planning also diminishes social construct. （这里建议举一个具体的例子来说明，说明the change of urban planning是如何减少social construct）
Besides, updated urban planning might be opposed with historic heritages, which would break the cultural linkage in history.
结尾：总结个人观点
From my point of view, I think the advantages of this urban planning outweigh its disadvantages, because we could take advantages from productive efficiency, low costs and friendly environment caused by this policy.
（表达可以适当加强，因为because使用的比较频繁，可以参考：I think the advantages of this urban planning outweigh its disadvantages for the reason that we have the chance to take some benefits from productive efficiency, low costs and friendly environment caused by this policy）
Although this urban planning might sometimes induce some negative effects on society, citizens should realize that these problems could be handled by tuning specific policies or advanced technologies.
批改建议：
· 写作任务回应：
文章写作任务回应较好，能够比较完整地完成题目中所要求的任务，首先在两个主体段内对于这种城市规划问题的优缺点分别进行了讨论，然后在最后一段说明这个政策的利大于弊；总体而言，全文的逻辑结构较好，思路也较为清晰；主体段内给出的论点和论据也比较充分并且具有说服力。
· 连贯与衔接：
文章连贯性较好，能够合理并且适当地使用连词，上下文之间的联系较为紧密，句与句之间的衔接度也较高。
· 词汇与语法：
词汇方面表现较好，能够尽量避免单词或者短语的重复使用，不过还是存在部分词汇的多次使用；语法上，首先注意一下主谓一致的问题，然后部分表达注意一下不要重复，然后少数句子的表达可以适当地进行提高。
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